Rational intelligence is necessary for leadership. Emotional and relational intelligences are no less so.

For a good leader, relationships are even more important. Her ability to evoke positive emotions in others is critical. A dimension that can always be acquired and developed.

Remember... close your eyes, mentally go into yourself and remember. Remember someone who was important in your life because they inspired you to be your best self.

A teacher, a manager, a coach. Someone to work with, to act with, who was motivating. Remember how he interacted with you, how he was, how he talked. And how you felt with him.

When we ask the question of what we remember from a person who has marked us, in general, we hear answers like:

“she trusted me”, “she gave me responsibilities”, “she gave meaning to my work”, “she encouraged me to dare”, “she was positive”...

Often, the person described was technically competent — even expert — in his field, but it was above all his attitude, his know-how, that made the difference.

We all know intuitively what a good leader is. In the multitude of professors, elders, colleagues that we have had, some, in our memories, stand out from the crowd.

And if they have kept a particular place in our memory, in view of their positive importance in our trajectory, it is generally less because of the extent of their knowledge than because of their knowing how to be, the relationship we have had with them.

Several types of intelligence

In Descartes' country even more than elsewhere, we assess people on the basis of their cognitive intelligence, or logical-mathematical intelligence (1). The one measured by the famous IQ (intelligence quotient).

However, we all know colleagues, friends, leaders, who have highly developed logical intelligence, but who we know make very poor leaders.

Two other types of intelligence are fundamental to making a good or even a great leader.

The first concerns emotional intelligence (or intra-personal intelligence) (2). It is the ability to be aware of one's own emotions, of one's own needs, of one's desires.

Based on a thorough knowledge of yourself, it allows you to understand yourself, to anticipate your own behaviors, to know your limits.

The second is relational intelligence (or interpersonal intelligence). What is at stake here is the ability to understand others well and to communicate with them appropriately. Because it is not a question of using this intelligence to manipulate or dominate the other.

We all know that the people who have led us to surpass ourselves in a sustainable way have done so in a sincere position, by being aligned between their speeches, their behaviors and their values (3).

Other types of intelligence (linguistic, spatial, physical, etc.) can be useful for leadership (4), but the really fundamental ones are emotional and relational intelligences, and in another order of thought, logical intelligence.

It is these resources that will mainly allow the great leader to have a positive impact on his environment in several ways.

First, by giving meaning, by helping people to understand the context in which their actions take place. By showing how their actions contribute to something bigger than themselves, that goes beyond them, the great leader inspires hope and confidence in the future. An idea, a sensation, that will lead them to give the best of themselves.

Then by making people perceive their importance for others, and their inclusion in a group, a team. The great leader will place great value on the personal relationship he develops with everyone, a relationship based on the real attention he pays to them — even for a brief moment —, trust, benevolence and empathy.

“When you feel that you are important to others, you care about them too and you don't want to disappoint them” recalls Richard Boyatzis (5).

Emotional and relational intelligences are innate but our education has often made us unlearn them. In the family, at school, at work, the repression of emotions or even their denial are generally better valued than the learning of their conscience and their expression: “Even not bad! ”.

We often reach adulthood with a real disability in emotional and relational intelligence, men even more so than women.

Stress is another recurring enemy of these dimensions. Deep stress, the stress that can assail us in the face of a major difficulty.

And also chronic stress, the one that arises from the permanent feeling of urgency and the accumulation of a multitude of small daily frustrations, a traffic jam, a computer that does not work properly, a missed appointment...

Do you still feel capable of real caring attention to a colleague, your child or your spouse, when the day has been an accumulation of small annoyances and you have the constant feeling of running after the emergency room? No, of course not. Like everyone else.

Our practice of coaching leaders shows us every day how much this emotional and relational deficit is harmful to teams, organizations and leaders themselves, to their performance and their well-being.

All the more so as the directive management mode is becoming more and more ineffective and counterproductive, with new generations waiting above all for respect, recognition, development and conviviality (6).

Fortunately, what was lost can be found again. Emotional intelligence, relational intelligence, can be worked on, developed and perfected. This is very clearly one of the recurring axes of our executive support, as we practice at VISCONTI.

This learning takes place primarily through experience and experimentation. One does not develop an emotional capacity by reading, by mobilizing only one's logical and linguistic intelligences. You have to experience the emotion and the relationship, in order to internalize it. You don't learn how to fall in love in books.

1. Here we are referring to multiple intelligences as modelled by Howard Gardner (Multiple Intelligences: The Theory in Practice. New York, Basic Books, 1993).
2. On this subject, see Daniel Goleman's reference book: Emotional Intelligence (J'ai Lu, 2003) and Emotional Intelligence at Work, by Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie Mckee (J'ai Lu, 1998).
3. See the book by Richard Boyatzis Resonant Leadership (Mcgraw Hill GB, 2005).

4. We do not define leadership here, referring the reader to the other articles in this booklet.
5. Resonant Leadership, op. cited.
6. The five words that best describe the quality of life at work: 64% respect, 58% recognition, 46% fulfilment, 40% motivation, 39% conviviality. Anact TNS Sofres survey, 2013.